Mar 25th, 2014 
If I’m reacting this way to a friendship ending, I can only imagine what it’s going to be like when I’m in a relationship with someone and break up with them.
This is kind of why I don’t really want to be in a relationship at all. I have trust issues and I hate being lied to. I have this fear that who ever I fall in love with will end up lying to me, cheating on me, or hurting me in some way. I don’t know if I can take that again.
I’ve been lied to and led on by this ‘friend’ for the past few years and I can’t believe I was so gullible to believe her. I don’t know if I could ever trust someone fully enough again to believe they won’t lie to me or try to con me just to get what they want. Also, I apparently ‘wasn’t there’ for said friend and therefore she had to find other people. Well, according to her she has no friends or anyone right now. You can’t blame anyone but yourself for that.
Maybe I ‘wasn’t there’ because I was busy with my own problems and my own life to deal with anyone else’s. That sounds selfish but it’s the truth. I guess it takes two to have a conversation but the conversations never went beyond small talk and the general ‘How are you doing?’ pleasantries. We made plans to go out or meet up from time to time but after I got my jobs, I didn’t have much time to meet or hang out. If that means I ignored someone or wasn’t there for them in order to be responsible and keep my job, so be it.
I grew up. I became an adult, a responsible person – something she hasn’t done yet. We’re 28 years old and it’s time to quit acting like we’re in high school and open our eyes. We’re in the real world now. You can play in the real world but you also have to grow the fuck up and act like an adult.
Again, I don’t know if I can ever be in this kind of relationship again. I can’t do this again. I can’t repeat the emotional damage, the tears, the shear frustration of being lied to and (in a way) cheated on and hurt.