Relationships are weird. You can think you know someone, be really close friends with them for years and then, without warning, not talk to them on a consistent basis for years. It gets to the point where you barely know them and really don’t recognize who you’re talking to or texting. Things happen, people move on, and relationships go to that distant and awkward state where you don’t exactly know what to say or where you stand in the relationship but you don’t really want to give up on it because you’ve given so much and it’s lasted 20 years…so why throw everything away?
Well when someone implies you’re a less than stellar friend or guilt trips you for not doing something, you know something’s changed. I’ve had a lot of things going on in my life over the past few years – going to school, trying to get a job, working – really crappy jobs that I was over-qualified for but still working, family changes, deaths of loved ones – that I haven’t been the best person and I admit that. But when someone assumes I can help and just won’t, it offends me. I don’t make that much money at my current job and every dollar I make goes into savings to help me move on with my life, to get out of my parents’ house, and (eventually) out of this city. When I do have a few to spare, it’s for personal things or family – presents, support, and other things. I want to keep my relationship with my parents and family and not totally disown them.
I’m not one to want to share my troubles with people and burden them. Not everyone knows everything about everything. When you don’t talk to someone for months, or even years, you don’t know if what they’re telling you is the whole truth or just some untruth to make you either feel good or bad or to make you give them what they want. If I were in a horrible situation, I wouldn’t blame someone else for it – especially if they had nothing to do with it. I would own up to it and accept the fact that I screwed up. I wouldn’t constantly ask for something when the person has already mentioned they feel uncomfortable doing that thing. I wouldn’t snap at someone when they ask how things are – especially if that’s what I wanted, people to ask how I am and care about me.
To me, caring doesn’t mean forking over money and bowing to someone’s every whim. Caring means being concerned about someone’s safety, life, and overall well-being – even if that means not enabling them by not helping out. Some people need a wake up call. Some people need to realize how much they’ve hurt their friends, family, and loved ones.
Again, relationships are weird. Things can change in a blink of an eye or the bridge can slowly burn until there’s nothing left but ashes.