I don’t really know what to write here to fill up the space that’s been abandoned and neglected time after time over the past ~12 years I’ve had this site.
A lot’s changed since I initially got this domain name and site as a 16th birthday gift. I’ve changed, my attitude on everything has changed, for the better…I think. I used to think I was so unique and different and that people didn’t ~understand~ me. Turns out, I was just a dumb and emotional teenager with no concept of anything.
I recently got sucked back into that world where blogs (like what this one used to be and is currently trying to be again) were popular and blogs you visited daily (dailies, as I used to call them) were blogs run by friends you’d met through fandoms, not twitter or tumblr or facebook. The web archive is a great place to reminisce about the good old days but it’s also a haunting reminder of just how bad we thought high school and our teen years were. They weren’t bad, looking back now, but they sure seemed like it back then. I used to brag about how different I was, how I’m ‘not like you’. But really, I was just another kid.
If I could I’d scream IT GETS BETTER. DON’T WORRY AND COMPLAIN SO MUCH! at my 17-year old self. After all, I complained about not having a lot of friends and not really having much of a ‘life’ back in high school and college. Now, I crave days were I can do nothing and wear yoga pants all day. Nowadays, I call that a good day. Back then, I felt I needed a lot of friends to feel validated. Now I know I don’t need a lot, just as long as they’re true friends that honestly care about me and how I’m doing and actually enjoy my presence.
I mean I still yearn to be noticed and I think everyone goes through this. We want to be heard, seen, respected. I go through this a lot still – especially on Tumblr and other social sites when it comes to different fandom-related things like convention photos, which makes me want to scream ‘HEY! LOOK AT ME! I’M IN ROW D AND I TOOK (halfway decent) PHOTOS OF JARED AND JENSEN!! PLEASE LIKE ME!!!’. But it’s no where near the intensity of what it used to be.
For the most part, I can’t complain about life right now. I mean, I can always use a better, higher paying job and be about 20-30 pounds lighter but those are some things I’m working on. I have a good family and great friends. And tomorrow I’m headed to Las Vegas for yet another convention – which I’m hoping to use to kick off the ‘reinvention’ (maybe that’s not the right word…) of this site. Since I post my con photos on this site in the gallery, I may as well write about it here too.